Inn Of The Dove

Situated in Cherry Hill, this motel is within 3 mi (5 km) of Cherry Hill Mall, Pennsauken Country Club, and Ritz Theater. Adventure Aquarium and Moorestown Mall are also within 6 mi (10 km).

Upon arrival be greeted by lavishly appointed trash scattered about the "gardens" and parking lot. As you approach your 350.00 suit you will notice no detail has been left out of the welcome mat area. Carefully placed cigarette butts, condoms and bottle caps guide you to the door where you will find some partially washed away human vomit! Beat the door a few times, using your shoulder to pry open the front door. Make sure to use alot of force opening the door, it gets beat in regularly so it sticks a bit. Now you step into the foyer greeted by several of the local insects, and what is that captivating smell?.........you guessed it, mold and human sweat! The bathroom is huge, having a separate room for the shower, toilet and sink which is good because you will want to keep the toilet room door closed due to the unique scents and stains that adorn the walls. The rest of the bathroom has been worked on by the top amateur plumbers in the state, so don't worry about temperature control the water will decided what temperature you will need all on its own! Don't worry about the sink area, the lights are set on "dying flashlight" mode so you won't see the sink anyway.

Now onto the Suit, first walk up the......I guess carpeted.....stairs which have been painstakingly stained using a plethora of burns, smudges and is that Human waste or chocolate? who knows?! Coming to the bed you will notice what could be your very own great grandmothers quilt capturing that vintage crack house look, also complete with stains and burns so don't worry about keeping it tidy we ruined it for you! For your safety the canopy, posts and back board have been removed from the bed, and not professionally no sir, we ripped all that off so you could double up and use the bed post nails as a coat rack. Now down across more of the human waste runway we call carpet to the "french" doors. As you pry open the doors please take note of the intricate spatter work of mold, black, brown and red unidentified substances and other peoples hair.......we wanted to show you how many other people loved our room so we incorporated their lose hair into the room! Now that you are in your private pool area you will notice that only half the lights work, we know today's savvy consumer is concerned about the planet and so we have gone green by removing half the lighting from the room. Oh the wires and switches are still there, but don't worry the lights won't work. As you tour the pool room be sure and talk loud, we have installed a noise dampening motor for the pool that will absolutely drown out any other noises in the area. Did we mention we provided chase lounges around the pool? well that was just an April fools joke, no we have 1 plastic chair for you also complete with the special human waste spackle you enjoyed on the French doors. All you need to do now is spend an hour skimming all the hair, flakes and paper trash out of your pool and you are ready take a dip. Enjoy floating on your back while you stare at the brown caked dust vent skillfully positioned in the center of the room, surrounded by what looks like brown paint, but we assure you its probably a far more disturbing substance. After climbing out of the pool you will notice we have forgone traditional grout and used a soft black dirt like substance that is probably organic, just trying to stay green!

After your refreshing dip, get ready to soak in our 6 jet jacuzzi. Feel free to go out and get dinner as it will take about an hour for the jacuzzi to fill. After its full you will want to turn the jets on and let them finish the "cleaning mode"......during this time the jets will shoot out any garbage left in the system as to insure you will have full pressure when entering the tub. Now that all the garbage, tobacco flakes, and hair have been forced from the system feel free to skim the water to remove any unwanted "ambiance". Now that the tub is ready go ahead an get in......we dare you! No worries about where to sit in the tub either, only 1 jet works so no deciding needed. Ever wonder what its like to get stuck to a vacuum hose? So have we, so we removed the suction grate in the tub so that whoever does not get the working jet gets sucked into the intake vent......what an adventure!

After your relaxing day in our "suit" take your choice of fabrics from the room and cover the window if you want but, we know some people enjoy being watched while making love so we have removed several blinds from the window and have broken off the dead bolt lock on the door. You can be sure of having at least an 80% chance of being seen or burst in on while naked, and who WOULDN'T want to get naked in this paradise?

We hope you enjoy your stay here at INN OF THE DOVE and if you have any problems we won't refund your money, because by the time you find all the above out its been 30 mins and we don't refund after that.

(like what was described above? Think it can't possibly be this good? I have video and pictures to prove all this and more and will be happy to send them, except the love making.........I would not even stay in this room clothed. Even if I was a pimp I would not let my girls "work" here)

**WINNER OF NJ 2015 "Most authentic crack house" AWARD!**

Located just across the Delaware River from Philadelphia, in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, the Inn of the Dove affords views of the city while providing comfort and relaxation. With villa-style suites in a quiet location, this is a wonderful… Read More

Property Location With a stay at Inn of the Dove in Cherry Hill, you'll be convenient to Merchantville Country Club and Marketplace at Garden State Park. This motel is within close proximity of Cherry Hill Mall and Ritz Theater.

Rooms Treat yourself to a stay in one of the individually decorated guestrooms, featuring fireplaces and flat-screen televisions. Cable television is provided...

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Inn of the Dove offers romantic getaways, fantasy suites and mid day getaways in Bensalem Pa, Harrisburg Pa, Atlantic City NJ and Cherry Hill NJ. Come experience our unique selection of secluded, private villa-style suites features every amenity... for a pleasure trip that's close to home, yet as far away as your imagination can take you. The Inn of The Dove is the ultimate, anytime romantic...